Mike Shanahan Is Fired by Denver Broncos Following 8-8 Season

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

Dear Denver,

WHAT. WAS. THAT. SHIT.

Denver (8-8) completed a monumental collapse, becoming the first team since division play began in 1967 to miss the playoffs after having a three-game lead with three weeks to go. Needing just one win to wrap up the division, the Broncos lost at Carolina, at home to Buffalo and then to the Chargers.

Congratulations on Couging it TIMES THREE.

Oh, and Jay “I have a stronger arm than John Elway” Cutler: SHUT UP. If, a year from now, you manage to go better than .500 on a HOW COULD THEY LOSE IT NOW season, YOU CAN TALK AGAIN.

UUUUUGH! You know what? THIS BABY IS GOING TO BE A SEAHAWKS FAN!

No love,

ME

The Broncos were defeated by the Raiders today.

Let that sink in, if you will.

To my very favorite team in all of sports: STOP PLAYING LIKE A BUNCH OF TWO-BIT LOSERS! I hope John Elway goes on over to Invesco and whips your collective ass.

It doesn’t really matter much in our household, because Mike was too chicken to even bet me this year. Yeah, BURN ON THE RAIDERS. At least I can go to sleep tonight knowing I’m the better fan.