I am home sick today. Were I not pregnant, today would be a tough-it-out day for sure, but I’m a little concerned by the fact that this bug seems to be lodged lower in my throat than a usual head cold. (Plus, I sound like a 40-year smoker trying to be quiet in church.) After finally admitting to myself that yes, I probably do have a somewhat compromised immune system, and no, I don’t want an upper respiratory tract infection or pneumonia, I decided to stay home and attack this thing with both barrels.

And now, a piece I call Why I’ll Be Surviving the Zombiepocalypse; or, Take That, Virus:

1. Cheerios with milk.
2. Orange juice.
3. Pineapple juice.
4. Yogurt.
5. Vitamin C, Echinacea with Vitamin C, prenatal multivitamin, prenatal DHA
6. Gatorade.
7. Banana.
8. BACON!!!

Breakfast of champions, friends.

Now, if only I could find my copy of Glory Road, today’s bug-in preparations would be complete.

Especially when so much political talk is now turning to PREGNANCY! I’m way, way too hormonal to deal with this crap.

Because I feel obligated to say something:

1) The Palin’s-son-is-really-her-grandchild rumors were just STUPID. I’m glad that little DailyKos fit was, apparently, short-lived. It blows my mind that the same folks who come down on the media for portraying women as only beautiful if they’re young and thin were accusing a fit, mature woman of faking a pregnancy because she didn’t get fat, and her teenage daughter of looking pregnant because she wasn’t built like Kate Moss.

What kind of message is being sent to every 15-year-old girl with an average build who looks at this picture and realizes that’s all it takes, size-wise, to make thousands upon thousands of people think you’re pregnant?

Furthermore, as somebody with a summer wardrobe I’d wager is a little less layered and probably more revealing than Sarah Palin’s winter-in-Alaska gubernatorial wardrobe, I’m still - at five months pregnant - having to inform people I’m pregnant, because it’s just not obvious. If I put on a sweatshirt, it’s flat-out not visible. If you can’t comprehend that women carry pregnancies differently, you really ought to just keep your mouth shut, especially if you’re inclined to accuse somebody of faking their gestation. I’m having a pretty easy pregnancy, and I tell you whut - if, after all this, somebody suggests I didn’t really go through it… They’re probably getting punched in the mouth.

2) In more news from the “I don’t know anything about pregnancy or birth but I’m going to run my mouth anyway” crowd, the Trig-is-a-secret-grandbaby rumors gave way to many developing the opinion Sarah Palin is an irresponsible, reckless danger to her children because she flew from Texas to Alaska “after her water broke.”

NEWS FLASH: Despite what you may have seen in the movies, rupture of amniotic membranes does not always occur with a floor-flooding gush followed by immediate active labor. Some women leak amniotic fluid for months. Treatment for preterm premature rupture of membranes can vary from immediate induction or c-section to medication and bed rest to “stay hydrated and wait for labor to start on its own.”

In Sarah Palin’s case, it appears she developed a slow amniotic fluid leak with sparse, non-productive contractions. She consulted her doctor and informed her of her plans to proceed with a prepared speech. Then she consulted with her doctor before flying. She consulted with her doctor again during her layover in Seattle. Upon arrival in Alaska, she proceeded to the hospital, where her medical team decided the best course of action would be to proceed with an induction (since she wasn’t in spontaneous active labor), and her son Trig was delivered some hours later.

Her doctor did not think it unreasonable for her to fly (see link above). A big to-do is being made over the fact she didn’t have her doctor’s express permission to fly. I’ve gotta level with you - I care about myself and I care about my unborn baby, but the idea of getting permission from a caregiver to do just about anything doesn’t go real far with me. Obviously I take information and advice into consideration, as Sarah Palin also did, but seeing as neither of us are the child nor property of the medical establishment, we don’t need their permission to do jack squat. Furthermore, Alaska Airlines does not have a policy against late-pregnancy travelers. Palin was under no obligation to inform the flight staff of her “condition” - and in her shoes, assuming no sudden change or progression, I wouldn’t have either. (Alarming the flight staff over a relative non-issue would probably have only resulted in an even longer delay in her ability to meet with her medical providers.)

Sarah Palin went through four pregnancies and four births before Trig. She, with the advice of her doctor, determined she was not experiencing an emergency and the best thing she could do would be to wrap up her business and return home. Looks like they made the right call. Even if you don’t like Sarah Palin, do you honestly think she would have forgone immediate medical care if there were indications she or the baby were in danger? The woman doesn’t exactly have a record of criminal child endangerment or near-death experiences, and I can’t find anything that would point to some sort of stupid or malicious or reckless behavior here other than vitriolic left-wing accusations.

3) Regarding Bristol’s present pregnancy… meh. I can certainly see the point that it calls into question Palin’s advocacy of abstinence-only education. That said, I don’t think Palin or anybody else claims abstinence-only education is foolproof, any more than the use of birth control is. Teenagers are going to do stupid things, and plenty of teenagers equipped with knowledge of and access to birth control end up pregnant, too. You don’t often hear sex ed advocates suggesting because the pill failed (which happens) we ought to scrap their whole education plan - so I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect folks on the other side of the debate to change their mind just because it hits home.

Anyway, I do think there’s a valid policy argument to be had, but I think that’s a separate issue from the private family issue going on here.

4) In perhaps the most bizarre commentary I’ve seen yet, questions are flying about whether Sarah Palin should have even accepted the nomination with a young special-needs son and a pregnant teenage daughter to consider. How dare she move her family across the country as her daughter becomes an adult, gets married, and has a child? How dare she put on shoes and get out of that kitchen?

Barack Obama has two young daughters. I realize a six-year-old isn’t quite the same as a five-month-old with Down’s Syndrome, but I haven’t heard so much as a whisper about whether it’s appropriate for the father of young children to become President. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the “young children” argument brought up for any male candidate or elected official, ever. Yet, those who claim to be the most progressive and most ardent supporters of equality and women’s rights are those simultaneously suggesting Sarah Palin cannot successfully be both a good parent and a good Vice President.

I’m not much of a feminist, but I admit - this kind of thing sends me into a tizzy. Sarah Palin returned to work three days after having Trig. She also breastfed Trig, apparently bringing him to work with her. Neither her duties as governor nor her family seems to have suffered as a result. In fact, the Palins seem to genuinely love and support one another, and I think between his mother, an involved father, and two older siblings at home, Trig will be just fine.

As for Bristol? Perhaps, as the Palins said, she’s growing up sooner than they would have hoped… but such is life. She’s made some adult choices and will now be living in an adult world. I hope the father/future husband is a good, supportive guy. I think her parents, siblings and extended family will continue to support her as best they all can. The situation seems to be completely under control - and nothing Sarah Palin should sacrifice her campaign for.

So, in sum: Unless you believe an amniotic fluid leak should result in a trip to the ER, followed by an emergency birth or medicated, monitored bedrest for weeks or months - and, better yet, have personal experience with a pregnancy under such circumstances… Unless you think one or both parents should end their careers to care full-time for a special needs child - and would do so yourself or expect it of your spouse… Unless you think one or both parents should scrap travel/relocation plans to live full-time near a budding adult who is becoming a parent himself/herself (and getting married) - and would do so yourself or expect it of your spouse… Unless you think these standards apply equally to male and female parents - and would uphold that in your own life…

Just. Shut. Up.

Parents fret as tots love ‘High School Musical’

Disney’s latest smash, with teen themes, attracts even 2- and 3-year-olds

Choice quotes, for your WTF pleasure:

“It really is insipid and Disney starts early and has some clever ways to get to the kids who don’t even watch movies, listen to the radio or read,” said Jemma’s mom, Jennifer Hawkins of New York.

You mean… like… THE DISNEY CHANNEL ON THAT MAGIC PICTURE BOX IN YOUR LIVING ROOM!?

Jemma, who has a 2-year-old brother, stumbled on HSM at a Target store, where Hawkins bought “what I thought was an innocent toy.” She didn’t know the microphone was preprogrammed with two HSM songs and admits: “I didn’t really look at the packaging.”

…

Hawkins agrees. The microphone Jemma has is bright pink, “looks like a baby toy” and was placed on a low store shelf in a section for young children, she said. And this year’s big-screen movie release “High School Musical: Senior Year” includes three new sophomore Wildcats aimed at keeping the franchise fresh.

“They’re trying to appeal to a much younger child in order to prepare them for being hooked in,” Hawkins said. “One piece of the scenario leads to the next.”

Oh, gee, I didn’t realize that I let my kid roll around in garden fertilizer. I mean, it was low on the shelf in the garden section and had pretty flowers on it, I though it had to be seeds or dirt or something! I didn’t really look at the packaging all that closely…

I mean COME ON. 

Unless there has arisen in this country a class of employed, self-sufficient three-year-olds I don’t know about, I’m pretty sure these parents are a) paying the cable bill to bring the television into their household, b) refusing to turn off said television because it makes such a good babysitter, c) buying the damn toys for their kids or allowing friends/family to do so, and d) in general: failing to say no. 

I just don’t get it. My folks sure didn’t buy me everything I grabbed off a store shelf when I was a kid. I didn’t get to watch whatever I wanted on the television. It didn’t really matter if it was über-popular - if it was stupid, I probably didn’t have it. My kids aren’t going to have a bunch of commercial character shit. Over my dead body will those Bratz dolls ever enter my household. 

I was just on a crunchy hippie parenting forum reading somebody gripe because they allow their two-year-old to “self-regulate” her behavior, and since the kid has discovered cartoons on YouTube, she does nothing but watch them all day every day. Uh… DUH!? This person puts no limits on their child, because they believe the only way to learn self-regulation is by allowing the kid to figure it out on her own. At two. The kicker - they had grown sick of all the cartoon-watching, so they were looking for ways to regulate it without letting the kid know they were regulating it. Several people chimed in with helpful suggestions about how to lie to the child, telling her the internet wouldn’t let her download anymore cartoons that day, putting a timer on the computer without telling the kid they did it, etc… So, lying to your child and letting him/her construct a false reality where they think they’re independent but really fenced by invisible walls you’re too weird to enforce is superior to establishing limits as a parent.

I say again: WTF.

Me (whining): I’m faaaat.
Mike: You’re not fat. You’re pregnant, dumbass. 

Unfortunately, this blog is going to involve a lot less guns and beer for a while.

But, I have a good reason…

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