Our black lab is having an extremely difficult summer, or so she’d have us believe. She has perfected her “WOE AND DOOM!” routine where she’ll flop on her side with a big heavy sigh, stretched out head-to-toe as far as she can. She wants us all to know that it is very hot, thank you, and perhaps we could get her some ice chips? She can only sleep when we have the air conditioner on. I told her she better get a job so she can help pay the electricity bill. 

—

Speaking of black labs, get this. My sister has been looking for one lately for herself. Saturday, she gets a call from a friend of hers, who is on vacation in Weiser, Idaho for a family reunion. He asks if she still wants a lab, because he has one if she does. He goes on to say that he was doing the family reunion thing at a public park in town, when he notices a lady driving by the park, slowing down. He thought she was acting kind of weird, so he kept watching - only to see her toss a puppy out the car window and speed off. 

W. T. F.

He goes over and retrieves the puppy, who appears to be in perfect health, is quite cute, and probably about 6 weeks old. He got the little bugger some puppy chow, and it’s eating fine. He told my sister he thinks it’s a black lab cross, because it looks very lab-like but has a little white spot on its chest and a couple little white spots on its foot. I got to thinking about it, and I wonder if it might actually be pure lab, as the only color variation “acceptable” for black labs is a white chest spot. If the lady in the car was a psycho breed snob, she may have dumped the little guy for having non-breed-standard markings on his foot. It would also possibly explain why there was only one puppy to dump - the rest of the litter might be “up to standard.”

This led me to think, okay, but what kind of lab breeder would throw a purebred puppy out the window of a car instead of just selling/giving it away as a pet? Which in turn led me to think, scratch that, what kind of HUMAN BEING throws ANY KIND of puppy out the window of a car instead of just selling/giving it away as a pet!?

Seriously - I want to know how that lady sleeps at night. Also, if anybody can reconcile “People who abuse animals are to be shot on sight” with libertarian philosophy, please tell me how. Because I’d so love for that to be a rule in Laureltopia.

—

On a final pet-related note, I’m about to go spend somewhere in the neighborhood of $120 for a three-month supply of Frontline for two dogs and a cat. The ticks are OUT. OF. CONTROL. this year. I hadn’t so much as seen a tick since moving to Idaho in ‘03, yet this year we’re finding them everywhere. To make matters worse, Mike has to traipse around in tall grass for his job, so he keeps finding them crawling on himself. Unfortunately they don’t appear to make Man Frontline (though I have threatened to get the “large breed” kind for him), so I’m hoping tackling it at the pet level will curb most of the problem. Gross.

The good news: There’s apparently little to no Lyme disease in Idaho, and I think the ticks we’ve been finding are American dog ticks as opposed to deer ticks, which don’t carry it anyway. So, assuming we can avoid Rocky Mountain spotted fever, we’re probably alright. Other than being totally squicked out.

Since we’ve been without a beer post for a while, I thought I’d regale you all with tonight’s selection:

Yeah yeah, I know… Close enough.

At least I’m having this along with it:

Organic, grass-fed beef tri-tip. Peppercorn marinated. Charcoal BBQed to medium perfection. I can almost cut it with the fork. SO GOOD.

Gipper would like me to know he’s interested in some sort of food-sharing arrangement. But not too interested.

And here’s what happens when I don’t share quickly enough:

He’s so nonchalant about his thievery - he won’t even get up to steal. Further proof the cat is king of the household. 

[7:15] *Puppy commences bouncing on my head*
[7:17] ME: Mike, the puppy needs to go out.
[7:18] *Mike takes puppy out*
[7:20] *Mike and puppy return to bed; Mike enters “USMC Sleep Mode” - in other words: “I’m not waking up unless I’m getting shot at, and even then it’s iffy”*
[7:30] PUPPY: GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP GET UP!
*I shove a chew toy at the puppy*
PUPPY: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP
[7:35] PUPPY: OOOOH, A CHIHUAHUA!!!
JOEY: Death to the infidel.
[7:40] PUPPY: UP UP UP UP UP PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASE!
[7:45] *I recognize USMC Sleep Mode in action and determine it must be my turn to get up early with the puppy; sweatpants, sweatshirt go on, take Joey and Puppy outside*
[7:50] PUPPY: LET’S PLAY!!!
[7:51] PUPPY: TENNIS BALL!!!
[7:52] PUPPY: SNOW BOOTS!!!
[7:53] PUPPY: THIS TREE HAS WATER UNDER IT, JUST FOR ME!!!
[7:54] PUPPY: I HAVE NO FOOD! WHERE IS MY FOOD? WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?
[7:55] PUPPY: PINK BOOTS!!!
[7:56] PUPPY: TV REMOTE!!!
[7:57] PUPPY: FOOD! WHY IS THIS FOOD IN A DISH!? *stomp* YAAAY, FOOD ON THE FLOOR!
[7:58] PUPPY: BONE! YES! I LOVE BONES! THEY’RE BETTER WITH MEAT ON THEM, THOUGH! LIKE THIS! *chomp*
ME: *bleeds*
[7:59] PUPPY: THIS TREE STILL HAS WATER UNDER IT! THIS IS AWESOME!
[8:00] ME: Okay, outside time.
PUPPY: SNOWWWWWWWW!!! *romp*
[8:05] ME: Well, I’m outside in the snow at 8:05 am, I might as well shovel the walk. *commences shoveling*
PUPPY: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT CLEARLY THAT ORANGE THING IS FOR KILLING PUPPIES LET ME BACK IN THE HOUSE OH NOOOOOOO!
[8:07] PUPPY: *whining*
ME: *gives up shoveling snow, returns to the house with the puppy*
[8:10] PUPPY: *whining*
ME: *gives puppy a chew toy*
[8:15] PUPPY: *whining*
ME: *shows puppy her food*
[8:20] PUPPY: *still whining*
ME: *lets puppy up on couch, gives her a chew toy again*
PUPPY: *chomp* *whine* *chomp* *whine*
[8:30] *From down the hallway, I hear scratching… Proceed to let Joey out of the bedroom*
JOEY: Did you kill the infidel yet?
PUPPY: CHIHUAHUA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOEY: I want to move out.
[8:31] PUPPY: FRIENDS!?
JOEY: *snarl*
[8:32] PUPPY: FRIENDS YET!?
JOEY: *snarl*
[8:33] PUPPY: *whines*
[8:40] PUPPY: *starts trying to dig to China by way of the couch cushions*
[8:45] PUPPY: *flops on her side*
[8:46] PUPPY: *moves one foot forward and flops on her side*
[8:47] PUPPY: *readjusts her back legs*
[8:48] PUPPY: *whines; faces opposite direction and flops on her side*
[8:49] PUPPY: *asleep*

Oh. My. Lord. I really hope she stays asleep for a little while. I’m worn out and it’s barely 9 am.