Me, perusing Craigslist: Do you want a He-Man Masters of the Universe Castle Grayskull Playset? 
Mike: I had one of those when I was a kid. And my cat, Tom? He got stuck in it.
Me: Did it have batteries?
Mike: I don’t remember.
Me: Because this one has… *reads ad* “over 20 lights and sounds as well as tons of battle features, Castle Grayskull is packed with fun play possibilities! Includes a crushing front drawbridge, trap door that leads to the Castle dungeon, a weapons door that reveals the sought-after Power Sword and a dual-firing cannon.”
Mike: I remember the trap door, because that’s what Tom got his foot stuck in. Worked perfectly.
Me: …Mike, by “Tom got his foot stuck in the trap door” do you mean “I put Tom’s foot in the trap door and it got stuck?”
Mike, very earnestly: NO! Tom climbed into Castle Greyskull when it was folded up!

Something about the way he referred to it as Castle Greyskull - not “the Castle Greyskull,” or “the Castle Greyskull playset,” or “the toy” - cracked my ass up. 

Parents fret as tots love ‘High School Musical’

Disney’s latest smash, with teen themes, attracts even 2- and 3-year-olds

Choice quotes, for your WTF pleasure:

“It really is insipid and Disney starts early and has some clever ways to get to the kids who don’t even watch movies, listen to the radio or read,” said Jemma’s mom, Jennifer Hawkins of New York.

You mean… like… THE DISNEY CHANNEL ON THAT MAGIC PICTURE BOX IN YOUR LIVING ROOM!?

Jemma, who has a 2-year-old brother, stumbled on HSM at a Target store, where Hawkins bought “what I thought was an innocent toy.” She didn’t know the microphone was preprogrammed with two HSM songs and admits: “I didn’t really look at the packaging.”

…

Hawkins agrees. The microphone Jemma has is bright pink, “looks like a baby toy” and was placed on a low store shelf in a section for young children, she said. And this year’s big-screen movie release “High School Musical: Senior Year” includes three new sophomore Wildcats aimed at keeping the franchise fresh.

“They’re trying to appeal to a much younger child in order to prepare them for being hooked in,” Hawkins said. “One piece of the scenario leads to the next.”

Oh, gee, I didn’t realize that I let my kid roll around in garden fertilizer. I mean, it was low on the shelf in the garden section and had pretty flowers on it, I though it had to be seeds or dirt or something! I didn’t really look at the packaging all that closely…

I mean COME ON. 

Unless there has arisen in this country a class of employed, self-sufficient three-year-olds I don’t know about, I’m pretty sure these parents are a) paying the cable bill to bring the television into their household, b) refusing to turn off said television because it makes such a good babysitter, c) buying the damn toys for their kids or allowing friends/family to do so, and d) in general: failing to say no. 

I just don’t get it. My folks sure didn’t buy me everything I grabbed off a store shelf when I was a kid. I didn’t get to watch whatever I wanted on the television. It didn’t really matter if it was über-popular - if it was stupid, I probably didn’t have it. My kids aren’t going to have a bunch of commercial character shit. Over my dead body will those Bratz dolls ever enter my household. 

I was just on a crunchy hippie parenting forum reading somebody gripe because they allow their two-year-old to “self-regulate” her behavior, and since the kid has discovered cartoons on YouTube, she does nothing but watch them all day every day. Uh… DUH!? This person puts no limits on their child, because they believe the only way to learn self-regulation is by allowing the kid to figure it out on her own. At two. The kicker - they had grown sick of all the cartoon-watching, so they were looking for ways to regulate it without letting the kid know they were regulating it. Several people chimed in with helpful suggestions about how to lie to the child, telling her the internet wouldn’t let her download anymore cartoons that day, putting a timer on the computer without telling the kid they did it, etc… So, lying to your child and letting him/her construct a false reality where they think they’re independent but really fenced by invisible walls you’re too weird to enforce is superior to establishing limits as a parent.

I say again: WTF.

On a totally random note, I keep meaning to tell y’all what happened to Mike at work the other day.

Poor Mike was driving down the road in his work truck. He was tired, and the afore-mentioned allergies were kicking his ass as usual, so he was driving rather lazily - left elbow out the window, head resting on his left hand, right hand on the wheel. 

All of a sudden, a deer runs directly into the side of his truck. 

He said the deer hit head-on right at the driver’s side door, and was then whipped around lengthwise against the side of the truck. (There’s totally a dent.) The best part of the whole thing? The deer’s neck CAME IN THE WINDOW and SMACKED MIKE UPSIDE THE HEAD. 

Mike hit the brakes to make sure he wasn’t going to have to deal with an injured deer, but he said he saw the dumb thing running off the road like it was no big deal. 

It’s a damn good thing it was a doe - I think he would have had a hard time explaining to the company insurance folks how he managed to get impaled by a deer antler while driving down the road. 

Now, if only we could come across this stupid, suicidal deer variety when we’re hunting them…

I hope y’all had a great Independence Day, and didn’t start any wildfires. ;) Ours was mostly lazy - unfortunately, Mike’s seasonal allergies were hitting him with full force. We’d planned on a trip to the range, but wound up staying at home and barbecuing with our friend Dan.

As it started to get dark, we all headed over to Pullman to watch the fireworks. It wasn’t as good as last year’s production, but we had a pretty cool vantage point from the back of our truck, which we’d parked on a hilltop just outside of town. (By “parked on” I mean “four-wheeled our way onto,” which is exactly why we’re still driving trucks, gas prices be damned!) We’d taken the dogs with us so we didn’t want to be too close - they were both remarkably unfazed, though. This gives me great hope for Artemis’ gun-breaking!

We could see mortar-style fireworks being lit off all over town - I told Mike and Dan I’d like to think John Adams would approve of these sorts of “illuminations.” :)

After the show, we drove out to an empty construction area on a hill near the Moscow-Pullman airport to shoot off our own fireworks. As a California refugee who didn’t get the chance to have this experience growing up, I can confidently say: Shooting fireworks will never get old. I’m just glad I now live in Free America where I can appreciate these things.

—

As an aside, my dad reminded me on the phone tonight that the 4th of July also marks the anniversary of the deaths of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Did y’all know they died on the same day - July 4, 1826, which was the 50 year anniversary of the Declaration of Independence? I can’t help but think that was some fashion of providence… seems entirely too eerie for mere coincidence. 

John Stossel has a great article up on Townhall.com about the importance of the oft-misunderstood speculator in the economy.

An excerpt:

The prices of commodities often change unexpectedly, making business risky. The speculator brings a degree of certainty to otherwise risky ventures. When supplies of a commodity are plentiful and prices low — but speculators expect the price to rise later — they buy — cushioning the collapse of prices. When supplies become scarcer and prices rise, they sell — easing the shortage and lowering the price. Also, speculators may agree to buy a commodity in the future for a price locked in today. This reduces the risk for an oil producer or farmer who fears investing because he doesn’t know what price his product will sell for next year.

Make sure to read the whole thing - it highlights John McCain’s admitted lack of understanding of economics, which scares the hell out of me. 

Me (whining): I’m faaaat.
Mike: You’re not fat. You’re pregnant, dumbass. 

Happy 118th birthday to my adopted home, the great state of Idaho.

Idaho’s Lost River Range © Daniel Pouzzner

Let it be forever! 

I’ve answered like four calls today from a customer who refuses to believe I can answer his questions. He wants me to put him in touch with the (male) owner of the shop. Or the (male) owner of the bike he’s inquiring about. While I was out running errands, he called and talked to one of the (male) mechanics, and said he’d already called today but had talked to “that little secretary you’ve got there.” 

*blink*

MY JOB TITLE IS NOT “LITTLE SECRETARY.” In fact, my job title is not secretary at all. The guy’s data points for this conclusion pretty much consist of: 1) female and 2) answered a phone. 

The mechanic tried to placate me by saying “I told him you’re not the secretary - besides, I usually refer to you as ‘the pretty girl behind the counter!’” 

*headdesk* 

He at least gets an A for effort.

This was all after an affiliate called and chewed me out as if I had failed at my job as his personal secretary. Except a) I have gone above and beyond to help this guy in any way I can, even when it’s not my job at all, and b) I’m sure as hell not his personal secretary. 

Wimmenfolk: HAVING JOBS OTHER THAN SECRETARY FOR QUITE A WHILE NOW, KTHX.

I forgot about my vow to start celebrating my birthday on my un-birthday. 

I’m going to bake a birthday cake for America and myself. HUZZAH! 

Last year, I posted the following - one of my favorite quotes from the American Revolution - on the 4th. This year, I figure I’ll post it on the 2nd, in celebration of the day our Declaration was actually signed:

The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America.

I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more. 

You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. — I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. — Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not. — John Adams, writing to Abigail Adams on July 3, 1776

I know I’m all hormonal and stuff, but that makes me get teary-eyed.

I’m stoked for Independence Day. There shall indeed be Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations in my corner of the continent, anyway! There will also be a reading-aloud of the Declaration, which I encourage you to read through at least once between now and the 4th, and to share with your family and friends. 

On a related note: If you guys haven’t yet watched John Adams, get with it. It’s excellent.